Some may see me as a picture-perfect poster child Christian: godly parents, generally obedient, intelligent… Such a superficial look at my life would dishonor the Savior who sanctifies me by His perfect grace. And so I would like to lead you on a little of the journey that has brought me to today.
My life is a testimony to the blessings and mercies of the Lord. From day one, my godly parents and extended family were pointing me to Him. I know I have been prayed for regularly since then and have no doubt that my life is a direct answer to their prayers.
I was saved when I was about five at vacation bible school. I don’t remember now who spoke or who prayed with me, but they too were blessings from God. I finally understood a few very important things: I was a sinner. I was going to hell for my sins. That scared me. Jesus Christ died to pay for my sins. If I would accept His gift and give Him lordship of my life, I would be saved. So I prayed to do just that.
Salvation. An awesome thought. I was as much an enemy of God as Paul and though my conversion was far less dramatic, it was no less a sovereign act of Christ. I have been forgiven much and I must frequently remind myself of the truth lest I so easily forget what Jesus did and harden my heart against my Savior.
That was the start of the journey. Thankfully, God was not content to leave me as I was that day seventeen years ago. The result is a life that is being continually transformed as my mind and heart are conformed to that of Christ Jesus. Though I do not have space here to adequately record each change, I can give you a few glimpses of what the Lord has led me through.
As I try to find a place to start, I am left in awe of God’s perfect plan. No aspect of my life has escaped his touch; each event intricately connected with many others. I will therefore do my best to pick a few of the overlapping strokes from the big picture.
Looking back, one of the clearest ways God has changed me is in the way I relate to others. I was an introvert. People skills are not my strong point. That is an understatement. My parents used to compare getting me to talk to pulling teeth. The changes in my life are largely the result of friends God quite simply dropped in my lap in high school and college. I think of John, a friend of my dad, who would take me on outdoor adventures and simply talk with me. Or, guys like Peter whose extroverted good nature somehow rubbed off on me. I do not know what they saw in me or why they stuck with me, but they invested time in my life and drew me into theirs. God has grown me greatly and is still changing me in this area.
While God was stretching me relationally, He was also growing my heart for others. Until recently, my walk with God was basically a “me” thing. I still want to know God better but now that vision includes taking others with me. Especially over the last four years in the Navigators, God has shown me how solid a foundation he has blessed me with and how much I have to give to others. Gaining this vision was a process of spending time with God and with men like Dan Meehan who built selflessly into my life and provided the example for me to follow.
Likewise, God was at work in my mind. One particular lie I have wrestled with frequently is my worth as an individual, and therefore the worth of others. While I have had good friends over the years, my personality and introverted nature kept me in many ways on the fringes of the social scene. It was easy for me to feel I was just a fifth wheel or that I was included simply because of the skills I could bring to the table. My pride and selfishness in saying this is rather appalling. In truth, I have intrinsic value to God, as do all men. It is this truth that frees me to love others and serve them as I should.
It is painful and yet good to have my pride torn down by the gospel. Surely God has blessed me abundantly in the skills He has given me, but He has also richly blessed all his children in different ways. And such blessings are not to be spent on my glory but on the encouragement of any and all that God would choose to put in my path. He is quick to bring challenges into my life, like research roadblocks, to remind me that He has the final authority in my life.
So it was by the sovereign will of God that all of these lessons converged in the art of disciple making. Just recently, God was pleased to bless me with a couple guys who are excited to learn and grow in Christ. Even now, it is easy for me to wonder at God’s perfect timing. God gave me exactly what He had been preparing me for. So I will try to patiently wait for the Lord to guide me down the next path. I know I have been blessed and look forward to see how He will continue to do the same.
